The Lie You've Been Telling Yourself
"If I don't drink with them, they'll think I'm not engaged."
"Declining wine signals I'm not present."
"They'll notice I'm being difficult."
Here's the truth: Your client doesn't give a shit if you drink.
They care if you're:
- Present
- Engaged
- Sharp
- Making them feel valued
You can do all of that stone-cold sober.
The Real Reason You're Drinking
It's not for them. It's for you.
Alcohol numbs the stress. Takes the edge off. Makes the performance anxiety of "being on" feel less intense.
You're self-medicating.
And you're justifying it as "client relations."
What Actually Happens When You Don't Drink
Test Case: Mark (52, Private Equity)
For 15 years, Mark drank at every client dinner. 2-3 glasses of wine minimum. "That's just how business is done."
I challenged him: "Try 3 dinners without alcohol. Just see what happens."
Dinner 1: Corporate law firm partner
Mark: "I'm off alcohol this month, just doing a health reset."
Client: "Good for you mate. Wish I had the discipline."
Dinner goes perfectly. Deal closes 2 weeks later.
Dinner 2: Tech founder
Mark: "Sparkling water for me tonight, thanks."
Client: "Oh yeah? Health kick?"
Mark: "Something like that. Trying to be sharper in meetings."
Client: "Smart. I should probably do the same."
Conversation flows naturally. No awkwardness.
Dinner 3: Potential investor
Mark orders sparkling water without explanation.
Investor doesn't even comment on it.
They discuss the deal. Mark's sharper than usual. Closes it.
Mark's words after: "I can't believe I've been stressing about this for 15 years. Nobody cared."
Why You Think They Notice (But They Don't)
You're hyperaware of your choice not to drink.
So you project that awareness onto them.
But here's reality:
They're thinking about:
- The deal
- Their own performance
- How they're coming across
- Their problems
They're NOT thinking about:
- Whether you're drinking wine or water
The Strategic Advantage of Staying Sober
1. You're Sharper
While they're 2-3 glasses deep, you're still operating at 100%.
You catch nuances. Remember details. Make better strategic calls.
2. You Control The Pace
They're loosening up. You're still sharp.
This is when people reveal their real concerns, objections, decision-making process.
3. Next-Day Advantage
They wake up groggy.
You wake up fresh, ready to follow up, capitalize on momentum.
Who do you think has the edge in negotiations?
How To Navigate Client Dinners Without Alcohol
Option 1: Simple Explanation
"I'm doing a health reset this month."
Nobody questions it. Most respect it.
Option 2: No Explanation
Order sparkling water like it's wine.
Don't make it a thing. 90% of the time, they won't even notice.
Option 3: Strategic Participation
Have one drink early, nurse it for 90 minutes, switch to water.
You participated. You're still sharp.
The Compound Cost of Alcohol
3 client dinners per week.
3 glasses of wine per dinner.
That's:
- 9 drinks per week
- 36 drinks per month
- 432 drinks per year
Each drink:
- Disrupts sleep architecture (poor recovery)
- Increases cortisol (more belly fat)
- Reduces protein synthesis (less muscle)
- Impairs decision-making (suboptimal calls)
This is why you're stuck.
The Permission You've Been Waiting For
You don't have to drink to close deals.
You don't have to drink to build rapport.
You don't have to drink to be a good host.
Your sobriety won't cost you business. Your lack of sharpness will.
What's Next
If you're ready to stop using "client relations" as an excuse for drinking habits that are destroying your health: